Celebrating Grey
In our family we celebrate!
Oh, we do the conventional, birthdays, Easter, Christmas and all the other calendar(ed) events but then we go way beyond that. Yup, this family parties it up.
We have celebrated new teeth, lost teeth, teddy bears birthday, people coming, people going, rainy days, pajama days, "way to go"days, and that's OK days, brother day and pet day. We even celebrated the colour purple, Purple Day.
So where is all this leading? Well, I made the bold statement early during my hair loss that I was going to go "au naturale" when the new hair came back. It is back! and it is grey!
I had a thought yesterday that maybe I was not ready for grey. It would not take much to pass a little dye through it now. This morning armed with new resolve I went out to celebrate grey.
I bought myself a hair product (that is exciting in itself) for grey hair. I also purchased a grey sweater to go with my new grey hair.

"The glory of young men is their strength, And the splendor of old men is their gray head." Proverbs 20:29

ParticipACTION is a Canadian government program, launched in the 1970s, to promote healthy living and physical fitness.

Recovery or Motivation?

I need a little "just do it" in my day.
I am very fortunate that I do not have many of the problems with my health that some (up to 75%) have after treatment. Many suffer from ongoing pain. Depression is often experienced at some stage of the illness. I am so blessed. I do have some fatigue, but I am wondering if this could be helped if I just got going?

It has come to a time when I might need to push myself a bit. Get out and do everyday things again like shopping, seeing friends, returning to my interest. To begin with, it may feel very scary. Staying at home would be much easier. But in the long term, getting out and about will help me find my "new normal".

Yesterday, I described the overwhelming feeling I was experiencing as “coming out of my cave”. After my surgery, we made comfort changes to my bedroom. Cable TV, new laptop, lazyboy chair, bed tray, memory foam mattress were items added to enhance comfort. I spent most of my day there, sometimes calling it the “command post”. This was a great way to manage my physical limitations but there were days this was a good place to “hide out”. In "The Shack" a novel by William Young, “The Shack” is a metaphor for the place you get stuck, hurt or where hurt is centered. I wonder if I am feeling the need to leave “my shack”? I have isolated myself from people, places and things, feeling I could not cope. I needed a shelter. I needed a place to be alone with God. The Prophet Elijah found a cave, Old Moses climbed a mountain to be at a place so that they could hear the voice of God.

For me, I spent hours with the Lord in the Lazyboy.

Then, finally, there came
a gentle whisper, the Lord's "still, small voice," and He said: "Go back the way you came...
and serve Me again."

And Elijah did.

(1 Kings 19)

My hair is not long enough yet to say for sure, but I think it is coming in curly/wavy.

It is definitely not poker straight.

This would absolutely rock!!!

Done!

256 days ago

I was diagnosed with uterine cancer.

Tomorrow I am finished

my treatment plan.

surgery

chemotherapy

radiation

I'm done!

(I don't know what else to say, it feels surreal to me right now)

I am finished my radiation on Tuesday.

I may find that I am still coping with the effects of treatment on my body for several months. It can take time to get over these effects. I am wondering how I will feel during this time and what are signs that cancer is coming back. These are some of the problems that can occur when treatment is over. Some of the most common problems that people report are:

Fatigue
Memory and concentration changes
Pain
Nervous system changes (neuropathy)
Lymphedema, or swelling
Mouth or teeth problems
Changes in weight and eating habits
Trouble swallowing
Bladder or bowel control problems

There are some questions and thoughts swirling around in my head also:

Who am I now that I've had cancer?
Will I get it again?
Can I survive another bout with cancer?
What is the best way to spend my time?
Am I contributing to society?
Will I ever feel secure in my future?

I read this:

Contemporary society values those who can assimilate quickly and who can bounce back from tragedy without skipping a beat. The message survivors receive from all sides is, You're so lucky to be alive. Now get on with your life.

That's a great theory, we will see how I do.

Sometimes a song says it all..... blahhhhhh

Conundrum?

In a very few days my treatments will be finished, so will the events of this journal. The journal for me, has been a tool for therapy, and a place where I could stay connected during this time of confinement. My thought was to shut it down next week.

I am not sure I want to let it go.

I have enjoyed this place of personal thoughts, daily experiences, and insights. The activity often connected me with others who shared their thoughts and feelings.

I am not sure I want to let this go.

I had my 3 month check up today.

The doctor was very encouraging and positive about my progress.

I felt great when I left his office.

7 more radiation treatments

I wouldn't be feeling too bad if I could only control my diet!!!

Blackened Salmon was not a good choice for supper.
Gr-r-r-r-r-r-r

Only 9 treatments to go

For the first time this year I have been able to imagine life without the C-word.

I was e-chatting with my special support friend Jackie and was telling her I find myself daydreaming about life after treatments. This is the first time since the beginning of the year I have been able to think pass treatments, it feels sooooooo good. I am going to do some travelling... not exotic places... just to visit friends and family....... I have been so restricted and feel like I have missed a lot.

So look out!! Coming soon to your home.

Seriously!!!!
I can't seem to eat anything without cramps, bloating and diarrhea.
I'm so frustrated!!!!

For the last few days I have had a "metallic" taste. I asked the nurse about it and she said it is a common side effect. When radiation is administered directly to or near the head and neck, chest, abdomen, or anal-rectal regions, it may cause damage to the mucosal lining of the entire gastrointestinal tract.

The nurse thought it might help to eat foods that are cold. Even though I feel hungry it is tough to eat with the yucky taste in my mouth. Oh well, I have a good reserve so it is not like I am going to waste away.

I know I am not a rocket scientist, but I think most of you would agree I am at least of average intelligence. Then why, why, why, would I eat a great big juicy Costco hotdog with mustard, onions and sauerkraut?!

My stomach was so crampy and upset last night. I spent most of the night "you know where".

I had lots of time to ponder the "Great Debate".

I have to get this radiation diet (bland, bland, bland) under control, these punishing episodes are terrible.