What went wrong?
I have not posted here for a few weeks because I just did not know what to say about my work experience. I worked one week only. The following week I felt unwell and called in sick. The truth of the matter was I did not want to go to work. The third week I spoke to my supervisor explaining I might have gone back to work too soon. I felt it was the perfect job. Working in a health care facility is a comfort zone for me, or so I thought. I really believed I had a lot to share on the Palliative Care Team and was excited to be working again.
The very short shifts exhausted me. While I was working I felt like I was standing still and the world was rushing by. The busyness of the units made me feel delirious.
I felt so vulnerable, I have lost my edge.
Dodi,
ReplyDeletePlease dont feel bad....I admire you so much for giving it a try! I have only worked a few shifts in the 3 years since my diagnosis. We are different now. I find that it takes me longer to get going in the morning and I still dont have the energy I once had. Listen to your body and give yourself more time. I have been checking in here to see if there have been any updates and wondered how it was going. We have to accept the fact that we will have to live with the new normal. We are so fortunate that we dont have to work. I think volunteering is the way to go.
Jackie :)
Hi Dodi-
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that I have missed keeping in touch--Happy belated birthday!!! It's been that long since I checked in . . .
I went back to work on Jan 4. I have felt good enought to travel to see my team in Northern CA. Going back to my same job after being off for 9 months was a real closure for me.
I have no fatigue, I am able to keep up with a fast-paced software job. I have even found a way to keep going to yoga and my Support group. I still make dinner for my family every night.
But--I am bored. And, I have gained 10 pounds! I am sitting at my computer 8+ hours a day. Even though I have a big picture window that I can look out of--I hate being inside all day.
When I was recuperating at home--I walked the dogs, gardened, and exercised so much more.
I will book my 1 year CT scan appointment today. My 1 yr anniversary is March 17. I was anxious, until my relaxation and guided imagery group told me to think of the CT scan as my "confirmation of health." That really helped me flip the switch in my head and look forward to it.
Talk to you soon,
Jane
Hey gorgeous! Hope all is going well for you. I know I've done a disappearing act, but wanted to check in and let you know I'm still here! My gyn-onc checkups have all been great and I'm coming up on my one-year "anniversary" I'll be celebrating it in the Florida Keys with my good friend, Barb. I actually took some time this weekend and read over some stuff from last year...when I was so scared and felt so alone and confused. You and Jackie really helped me get through the tough times and for that, I am eternally grateful! I hope you're enjoying some springtime where you are, and that life is GOOD! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I am an idiot....since I didn't sign my last post other than "anonymous". Duh.
ReplyDeleteIT'S LIZ! :)